15th
Grandeur….
In all the places ive seen and in all the ways i have i still have yet to feel this kind of thing. I think ive felt fleeting passings by of it. i think ive felt the kind of joy of knowing being loved back the way ive put it out there. i love when they say “You just need to put yourself out there” how far out there is there? is it a place; is it a there? havnt i gotten there yet? havn’t i been there a couple times before only just by myself. yes i think i have. maybe ive listened to too many love songs. too much adele. too much happy beyonce. but i can tell you that one heart has only so many miles to travel before it has gotten too tired. too weary of that same treacherous path that has caused so many scars on the bottom of those tired tired feet. Do i need to blindly fall for whatever happless emotionless prankster comes my way? shouldn’t i cover my own ass as well? shouldn’t i know a bad bet when i see one or simply not to throw one down at all? im ready, ive been for a little while now. but im not ready for the shit that comes with it maybe. couldnt it be somthing organic? couldn’t it be something fun? whats next is next and with every passing day my heart grows more and more closed off to the options available because i simply dont believe it to be there. For the love of god and everything; ANYTHING good in this world would someone anyone be brave enough to tell me they love me and mean it!? could anyone show the interest, the fight to win MY heart? to want me more than anything in this world? fight for all the great love that i can give because to be quite honest i would. i would eventually. just try, even if for a little while and not in a drunken stupor. fight for the briefest sober reality that you could be happy with me. on a sunny day, on a rainy day, in a place warm or cold fight for the time that would be shared in bed or on the street. fight for the possibility that a life could be shared because it would be grand. even in its bleakest most horrible moments it would be that. it would be grand. my love for you would be grand….
